How travel affects relationships: a psychologist answers

Together with Dolphi and psychologist Tatyana Larina, we found out how traveling really affects relationships: whether it strengthens or destroys them, and whether it is possible to establish lost mutual understanding with their help.

I see the goal - do not see the obstacles

Preparing for a trip - a busy business. To think over the route together, to choose to go to the Louvre or to drink viniska in Montmartre, to make a list of must-see places - all this is an extremely exciting and enjoyable part of the preparation for the trip. And, if you do it together, it definitely helps to get closer, because from now on you have a common plan that only you know about.

The trip will show you how you can compromise

Everyone is different and you and your partner are different. Someone wants to laze on the beach, and someone wants to go on a tour - and how to be? For someone such a mismatch can be a stumbling block, and someone will discuss the problem and find a solution. If you easily find a compromise and no disputes arise, we congratulate you, it seems you are an ideal couple.

Tatiana Larina: To easily find a compromise and not to quarrel, a couple needs to think how to achieve both one and the second goal. If someone wants to lie on the beach and someone wants to go on an excursion, they need to figure out how to allocate time for both activities. If someone definitely doesn't want to do one or the other type of activity, you need to figure out how possible it is for one of the couple to do it. It is important that the discussion takes place without hard feelings or mutual grievances. It should be a shared decision that the two are comfortable with.

If two people are not comfortable with it, there is always a middle option. For example, instead of a big excursion, go for a walk through the nearby streets and, at the same time, allocate time to relax in the park and sunbathe. It's important to realize that compromise and cooperation is when both partners are looking for a solution, not just one.

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Team game

Traveling is always full of adventures, and sometimes not the most pleasant ones. Arriving at an Airbnb apartment and the owner doesn't answer, slamming the apartment door shut and leaving your keys inside, getting a fine for forgetting to buy a ticket on public transportation - these are the stories you'll laughingly tell your friends after a while, but during a trip, these situations can be the trigger that shows your partner's dark side. This is exactly the case when you can best see the behavior of a person when he is tired, irritated, how he overcomes difficulties and what role in this process gives you.

"My boyfriend and I recently returned from a week long trip to Tenerife. On the island we decided to rent a car, but the only nuance is that the guy, as it turned out, drove for the last time 2 years ago. But it is an island, saturated traffic was not supposed, and the gearbox is "automatic", so we decided to take a car. And everything was fine, until we decided to go to the volcano Teide. The usual road very soon turned into serpentines, which were not fenced from the abyss. Extreme turned out to be the same, but we went through this situation calmly. Though I was scared to hell, I supported Artem, we coped, and on arrival he first of all signed up for driving to get back his forgotten skills. All in all, we had enough impressions, but it made us even more united," says Kristina.

Compatibility test

A week-long trip is the best compatibility test because you'll be around 24/7. If it's your person, these 7 days will fly by like a flash and you'll definitely want to continue, but if you don't have that travel alchemy, you should think about whether you're compatible with each other.

Is compatibility on a trip always an indicator of compatibility in life?

Tatiana Larina: I can say that what we can see in a person on a trip is one of the parameters, but it does not say anything about the whole life. Maybe someone doesn't really like traveling in principle, but is very comfortable in domestic situations. Therefore, this is just one of the things you should pay attention to. What matters is how you handle stressful situations. And, if you can't go through a stressful situation together: only one person goes through, and the other person either doesn't participate or is not heard, it is very possible that this will be the case in your future life.

A test drive of domestic life

If you and your partner do not live together yet, but rented an apartment for the time of traveling, a trip together will be an opportunity to get to know better what your partner is like in everyday life. Is he a lover of throwing socks around the apartment or a standard cleaner? A master chef or an admirer of convenience foods? The trial version of cohabitation will show it as best as possible.

What to do if while traveling you have noticed some household detail that stresses you out? Is it worth talking it through at once or not to rush things and not to pick on trifles?

Tatiana Larina: The best solution is to talk through the situation when it arises, without putting it off for later. When we put it off for later, we can show the wrong reaction. For example, you didn't like something and kept silent, and the person thought it was tacit agreement and acceptance of such things. If you don't like something - say so; if you realize that the person won't do it and won't be corrected - think about whether you can always fix this thing and whether then it won't stress your partner. For example, when we move other people's stuff. This is also worth discussing with your partner and together find a way out that will satisfy you. And this will be one of the indicators of how you find the moment of joint activity and solutions in small household issues. Remember, if someone throws something around the house and he has always done so, he will continue to do so. Can you live with that? Then okay. Can't and it will be a boiling point? Then it's worth spelling it out and putting the person on notice that you will always live with scandal under these circumstances.

Aftertaste

The most important thing in this story is the aftertaste. Ask yourself an honest question, "How do I feel at the end of the journey?" Deep down, are you glad you're finally taking a break from each other? Reflect on why you have this feeling. Upon arrival, are you already planning your next trip, monitoring bargain airfares and anticipating with a sense of pleasant tenderness how you will discover a new city or country with your partner? Well, congratulations, it seems that you got the lucky ticket.

Tatiana Larina: Any joint activity always shows how we go through conflict situations, whether we bring problematic moments to conflict or we solve them as soon as they arise. Do we cooperate with each other, do we look for a way out and hear each other, how much we can agree with the other person's opinion and respect the other person and, yes, at that moment a joint trip really tells a lot about us to other people and to us about them. So make sure you go on a trip together, go through these situations and you will find out if you can be good friends or really become a great couple.